i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
