U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
