so that wasnt chicken after all
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
