it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
