before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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