What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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