did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
