Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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