This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
