If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
