I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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