There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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