kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
