Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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