So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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