Do you still have your period?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
