Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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