actually, I'm a sock model
we made out on top of his cat.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize