I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
