I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You took a bar mat shot.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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