sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is Oprah even human
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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