I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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