I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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