what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
