First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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