she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
