Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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