I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
