Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
