happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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