just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
