it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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