You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
