I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
