I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
