the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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