I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
