I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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