Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize