Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
