I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i was born a porn star she said
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
