Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
