Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize