there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
