Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
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