He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
