How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
