She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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