My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize