I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
