you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
