by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
