i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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