Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Randomize
