Already got asked if we're dating
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
