I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
