I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I smell stomach acid.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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