His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
