Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You ate ashes out of my bong
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
