Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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