I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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