I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
