Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
