I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
