They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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