So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize