for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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