Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
