I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Semen is not good for contacts.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
