i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize