I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
