my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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