just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
