Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
