i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize