I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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