At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
this will be a night to untag.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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