the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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