I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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