Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
