How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
