THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
