So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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