omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
