She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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