the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
