Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
