her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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