No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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