God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
