my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
