WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
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