Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
