Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My pussy is not your playground.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
