My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
