You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
