You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He shit in the fireplace
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
